janegodzilla: (office monkey)
Aww, my first drunk post. How special. XD Anyway. I can't even express how happy I am that Friday has finally arrived. This has been the week from Hell. GOD. They gave me all of E's cases, and one of them -- this massive, sprawling, horrifying thing of pure evil -- goes into depositions this week, so I'm now expected to know the ins and outs of a case I've never touched so that I can have documents prepared exactly to the specifications of an attorney I've worked with but once...who changes her mind all the time.

Not that she'll admit to changing it, oh no. You just have to know that she has, go back and retroactively fix everything, and then anticipate when she wants it the way it was before.

Paralegals: The New Psychics!

To make a mid-length story short, I'm basically doing the work of two people right now, and it's driving me insane. Still no progress on the job front, although that's to be expected, given that it hasn't been that long since I buckled down and got serious about searching and applying. It's the same thing that happened when I finally got serious about finding a new apartment -- even though I was ready, it took the rest of the universe a little while to catch up. I know I'll find something eventually, so the trick will be to stick this out without going completely bugfuck in the meantime.

But today is Friday! Fridays are good. Fridays are amazing! Fridays mean donuts, and Friday means sleeping in the next morning, and this particular Friday means I'm seeing In Bruges at the Portland International Film Festival after work. Yeee! I'm so excited for this: a) I love dark comedies about gangsters, especially if said gangsters are Irish and/or English; b) I love Ralph Fiennes, and want to do dirty things to him marry him; and c) this is the first time in I don't know how many years that I'm going to see a movie by myself, and I'm wierdly giddy at the prospect.

You know what's also weird? February is the six-month mark for the breakup, and aside from my work-related woes, I've never felt happier or more secure in myself. I don't know. It's kind of awesome, actually. I'm enjoying this whole "optimism" thing.
janegodzilla: (melancholy)
One of the paralegals was laid off today.

It wasn't me, although I'm honestly kind of shocked that it wasn't, given that I'm the newest and youngest member of the paralegal group. All things considered, I can't decide whether I'm happy or vaguely disappointed that I wasn't the one to get the axe. Isn't that horrible? It's not anything that E. did -- there just wasn't enough work to go around, and when I was talking to him this afternoon, he said he was actually relieved that it finally happened. He'd suspected something was coming ever since his project load started to dry up, and the firm is giving him several months of severance pay so that he won't be completely fucked in the meantime. It still sucks, though. He's a great guy and deserves a lot better than this. Over five years with the firm, and they jettison him just like that. Poof.

I can't help but feel a little guilty that I'm actively looking for another job while I'm still employed, yet he's the one who gets laid off. It strikes me as sort of cosmically unfair. I don't know. I'm not making any sense. It's possible I may get laid off anyway -- during their conversation, I guess the office manager hinted to E. that there may be more downsizing ahead in the next few months, which, given that our firm is making more money now than ever, is funny in a really awful sort of way.

Lawyers. Bah.

gahhhhhh

Jan. 22nd, 2008 10:35 pm
janegodzilla: (...fuck)
Oh my god, I forgot how much work it is to look for jobs. My eyeballs feel like they're going to melt. On the plus side, though, I made it through the grueling OHSU applications process and was able to apply for several of their admin positions, and tomorrow I'm going to whip out some cover letters and get resumes sent off for a bunch of writing/editing jobs. I doubt I'll be lucky enough to get said jobs, which is why I'm also applying for admin positions at places like OHSU. :P

I'm just really, reeeeeeally tired of being a paralegal. It's weird. I can feel myself burning out. There's a horrible, scary part of me that just...doesn't want to show up at work anymore, ever, not because I don't want to work ('cause I do, actually), but because I don't want to work there. Occasional forays to technical seminars aside, everything I do is mind-numbingly dull. One of my coworkers keeps passing all of her crap jobs along to me (seriously, that's a whole rant in and of itself), I don't feel any sort of satisfaction in what I do, half the people I work with drive me bonkers, and I'm BORED. I'M SO GODDAMN BORED.

But I'm busy, too. Those of you who have worked office jobs know how awful that is, to be insanely busy all the time while simultaneously being bored out of your skull. Doing admin work at a hospital probably won't be any better in the long run, but I'm thinking short-term right now. I have to. Because sometimes I look at the other paralegals, the ones who've been at the firm for five, eight years, and it scares the crap out of me that I might one day become the hopeless, simmering fonts of sheer rage and despair they are. I wish I could say I'm exaggerating, but...my god, the paralegal coordinator? She's the angriest, most relentlessly frustrated girl I've ever met in my entire life...and she's been there for almost nine years. I'm coming up on my third. It's definitely time to move on.

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