janegodzilla: (...fuck)
A conversation at the sink in the ladies' restroom:

Coworker: How are you feeling?
Me: Pretty bleh. Still.
Coworker: Well...just suck it up.
Me: Um. Yeah.

What the fuck? "Suck it up"? THANKS, CAPTAIN HELPFUL. I think hauling my ass into work when there's been no appreciable change in how I feel since, oh, Friday definitely constitutes "sucking it up." In fact, the only real difference between the congestion, constant coughing, and overall malaise of Friday and the congestion, constant coughing, and overall malaise of today is that my Friday cough was dry and since Saturday it's been wet. And that? Is ALL. I've felt like crap for almost a fucking week now, so don't tell me to fucking suck it up.

I mean, for crying out loud. I showed up at work, and I'm getting my shit done. I don't think anything else is really required of me. I'm certainly not going to pretend like I feel okay when I really and truly don't, and I really don't need some coworker shoving platitudes down my fucking throat.

"Suck it up". Ugh. Sometimes, I really hate these people.
janegodzilla: (one of those days)
Argh, I think I'm getting sick. I felt like crap when I woke up this morning, but since everything is blooming now, I thought it might be allergies. Unfortunately, the longer I'm up, the worse I feel...and there was a nasty little death plague going around the office towards the end of last week. I suspect that's what I've ended up with.

What sucks is that tonight I'm getting together with a Portland writer I met a little while ago, along with a few of her friends -- they wanted to talk about setting up a writer's group, which is something I've been dying to be involved in for ages. We're doing dinner and going to one of the Willamette Writer's Guild talks, and I plan to go no matter how shitty I feel, but it still stinks that this thing I've been looking forward to for weeks is now going to be slightly less awesome, because all my body wants to do is collapse and go to sleep.

Also, I'm supposed to get together with Nate tomorrow, and I don't think we're at the stage of our relationship where it's a good idea for him to see me when I'm sick. I don't want him to catch it, for one thing, but I'm also just not a pleasant person when I'm ill. At all. )
janegodzilla: (i can explode things WITH MY MIND)
I had the first cavity of my entire life filled this morning, and now the left side of my mouth is completely numb. It's unnerving. I can't eat a damn thing, although I've managed to drink coffee with the aid of a straw, and intermittently I keep poking at my lips and chin to see if the feeling has come back yet. It hasn't, unfortunately, and it bothers me that the numb parts also feel incredibly cold. Is this normal?

The injection hurt like hell, even though he'd numbed me up first. Apparently, there's a nerve cluster in that part of my cheek/gum/whatever that's not there for most people, which the dentist commented on in faint surprise when I started freaking the hell out over the sudden searing pain in my mouth. I believe his exact words were, "Huh, congratulations. You're one of the few people with it in that spot. Wasn't expecting that."


Actually, no, I love my dentist and don't think he's a jerkface. It really fucking hurt, though. The last time I cried over physical pain was when I accidentally slammed my finger in the drawer of an industrial filing cabinet, and that was over two years ago. I can't help but feel a little lame about that.

Oh my god, I want the feeling in my mouth to come back! I'm hungry and I have a delicious looking donut sitting here, and I can't eat it until I can chew without worrying that I'm going to accidentally gnaw off my own tongue. Ahhhhh!


Mar. 4th, 2008 11:24 am
janegodzilla: (office monkey)
The universe has a really horrible sense of humor. Apparently, things can go well in my personal life or things can go well at work, but both at the same time would knock something crucial off balance and that is Not Allowed. When part of your day involves getting bitched out for following an official company procedure because it apparently doesn't apply to this one case? Yeah. Awesome.

Also, my desk looks like a filing cabinet threw up all over it. When I have messy piles of paper because they're organized that way according to my own obscure and incredibly specific mental process? That's fine. When I have messy piles of paper because I'm running out of room to put stuff and people keep fucking with it when I'm away from my desk and everything gets all screwed up because it wasn't added according to my own obscure and incredibly specific mental process? FAIL.

Stupid work. At least I'm going over to Nate's tonight. That helps make this bugfuckery bearable. :P
janegodzilla: (office monkey)
Aww, my first drunk post. How special. XD Anyway. I can't even express how happy I am that Friday has finally arrived. This has been the week from Hell. GOD. They gave me all of E's cases, and one of them -- this massive, sprawling, horrifying thing of pure evil -- goes into depositions this week, so I'm now expected to know the ins and outs of a case I've never touched so that I can have documents prepared exactly to the specifications of an attorney I've worked with but once...who changes her mind all the time.

Not that she'll admit to changing it, oh no. You just have to know that she has, go back and retroactively fix everything, and then anticipate when she wants it the way it was before.

Paralegals: The New Psychics!

To make a mid-length story short, I'm basically doing the work of two people right now, and it's driving me insane. Still no progress on the job front, although that's to be expected, given that it hasn't been that long since I buckled down and got serious about searching and applying. It's the same thing that happened when I finally got serious about finding a new apartment -- even though I was ready, it took the rest of the universe a little while to catch up. I know I'll find something eventually, so the trick will be to stick this out without going completely bugfuck in the meantime.

But today is Friday! Fridays are good. Fridays are amazing! Fridays mean donuts, and Friday means sleeping in the next morning, and this particular Friday means I'm seeing In Bruges at the Portland International Film Festival after work. Yeee! I'm so excited for this: a) I love dark comedies about gangsters, especially if said gangsters are Irish and/or English; b) I love Ralph Fiennes, and want to do dirty things to him marry him; and c) this is the first time in I don't know how many years that I'm going to see a movie by myself, and I'm wierdly giddy at the prospect.

You know what's also weird? February is the six-month mark for the breakup, and aside from my work-related woes, I've never felt happier or more secure in myself. I don't know. It's kind of awesome, actually. I'm enjoying this whole "optimism" thing.


Jan. 22nd, 2008 10:35 pm
janegodzilla: (...fuck)
Oh my god, I forgot how much work it is to look for jobs. My eyeballs feel like they're going to melt. On the plus side, though, I made it through the grueling OHSU applications process and was able to apply for several of their admin positions, and tomorrow I'm going to whip out some cover letters and get resumes sent off for a bunch of writing/editing jobs. I doubt I'll be lucky enough to get said jobs, which is why I'm also applying for admin positions at places like OHSU. :P

I'm just really, reeeeeeally tired of being a paralegal. It's weird. I can feel myself burning out. There's a horrible, scary part of me that just...doesn't want to show up at work anymore, ever, not because I don't want to work ('cause I do, actually), but because I don't want to work there. Occasional forays to technical seminars aside, everything I do is mind-numbingly dull. One of my coworkers keeps passing all of her crap jobs along to me (seriously, that's a whole rant in and of itself), I don't feel any sort of satisfaction in what I do, half the people I work with drive me bonkers, and I'm BORED. I'M SO GODDAMN BORED.

But I'm busy, too. Those of you who have worked office jobs know how awful that is, to be insanely busy all the time while simultaneously being bored out of your skull. Doing admin work at a hospital probably won't be any better in the long run, but I'm thinking short-term right now. I have to. Because sometimes I look at the other paralegals, the ones who've been at the firm for five, eight years, and it scares the crap out of me that I might one day become the hopeless, simmering fonts of sheer rage and despair they are. I wish I could say I'm exaggerating, but...my god, the paralegal coordinator? She's the angriest, most relentlessly frustrated girl I've ever met in my entire life...and she's been there for almost nine years. I'm coming up on my third. It's definitely time to move on.

rant time

Jan. 15th, 2008 08:42 am
janegodzilla: (...fuck)
I'm sick of these fucking headaches. They're not migraines, exactly, but whatever they are is nasty business, and they're getting worse. Normally, when I start getting headaches like this it's a sign that my system is starting to freak out over whatever medication I'm on, but all I'm taking right now is the stuff for my thyroid, which I've been on since I was 18. Either that's not working anymore, or there's something else wrong. Ugh. I'm done. Urgency care opens in a half-hour and I'll be there when it does, because I'm tired of this and either want them to tell me what the hell is wrong, or give me something to make it stop.

I've got my monitor settings turned down to their lowest possible degree so I can look up directions to the clinic. I'm currently in the "light, pain!" stage of things. God fucking dammit. Me and my stupid, defective head.

EDIT: Well, we've established that there's nothing neurologically wrong, so that's always good. :| Unfortunately, there are a bajillion types of headaches and they don't entirely understand how they all work, so now I'm back home with a bottle of vicodin (with which I am not to operate heavy machinery) and hoping like hell that it'll work. I've got another appointment next week, so...yay?


Jan. 4th, 2008 04:08 pm
janegodzilla: (...fuck)
Blergh. Sick yesterday, sick today...at least I've got the weekend coming up, so I won't be missing more than two days of work, but it still sucks that I've spent the last two days curled up in a miserable ball of sinus pain and achiness. And the headache, my god, the headache. Headaches are my Achilles' heel. We hates them, precious.

It's probably a good thing I live alone. You know how some people get really whiny when they're sick, and some people just get pissed off? I'm the second sort. I get really, irrationally angry about inconsequential things, like my tea not cooling down fast enough or the fact that my head feels like it's trapped in a vise. I've spent most of the day fitfully napping with a cold washcloth draped over my eyes, but the construction noise across the street eventually got too obnoxious and I figured I might as well just stay up for good.

My lights are making an incredibly annoying, high-pitched sound, and that's pissing me off too. Apparently, I'm just a fount of boundless, headache-y rage today. Yayyyyyy.


janegodzilla: (Default)

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