Yeah, they're adults, but...well, again, what's getting angry about it going to solve?
I don't think anger has to solve anything, but I think people have a right to it. Feeling uncomfortable or depressed or scared doesn't solve anything, either, but people still have those feelings about things.
I don't think men have the right to be angry about shallow gold diggers. If we didn't live under the system we're in, women wouldn't be able to be gold diggers. The way I'm seeing it, those women are just making the best of a bad situation. If women's appearance and "niceness" weren't prized above their abilities, we wouldn't have trophy wives. If women and men had the same opportunities, particularly when it comes to the financial end of things, women wouldn't be cozying up to men to be financially supported. (Or, look, there would be the odd one, just like how there are Kevin Federlines in the world, but the people doing this wouldn't be OVERWHELMINGLY female.)
You either do something about the cases you encounter, or just accept it and do everything you can to not let it affect your life.
See, I think that calling it out, encouraging your sons/family/workmates/whoever to rethink their attitudes and getting annoyed enough to write to the people pushing this status quo is doing something. And if we can't do anything or they won't listen, we have EVERY RIGHT to be pissed off. I'm not going to smile about being considered a piece of meat because I don't have a Y chromosome.
just assuming the guys who make you feel uncomfortable and shitty are just really worthless and ignorant and not worth a second of your time
The thing is, though, it's NOT just the "bad apples" who do this. (They're just an extreme at one end-- just like how plenty of well-intentioned nice white people can be racist but aren't members of the KKK. Doesn't mean they're all racist arseholes but it DOES mean that they still have rethinking and relearning to do about privilege).
Plenty of good, well-intentioned guys do it, too, and sometimes, when it's coming from someone intelligent and nice who's a friend, it IS infuriating and confronting. Because you expected better, you know?
there are just as many shitty girls who are encouraging this type of behavior
Fuck yeah, and they piss me off, too. Part of me feels sorry for them because honestly, they're playing into a system which is working against them (and which isn't going to keep them well-funded/supported etc as they get older or divorced or what-have-you) but the small benefits they get (attention, money, validation, etc) make it worthwhile for them. Still, it's fucking annoying and I seriously take issue with women who pull that crap.
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branchandroot
(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-29 04:58 am (UTC)I don't think anger has to solve anything, but I think people have a right to it. Feeling uncomfortable or depressed or scared doesn't solve anything, either, but people still have those feelings about things.
I don't think men have the right to be angry about shallow gold diggers. If we didn't live under the system we're in, women wouldn't be able to be gold diggers. The way I'm seeing it, those women are just making the best of a bad situation. If women's appearance and "niceness" weren't prized above their abilities, we wouldn't have trophy wives. If women and men had the same opportunities, particularly when it comes to the financial end of things, women wouldn't be cozying up to men to be financially supported. (Or, look, there would be the odd one, just like how there are Kevin Federlines in the world, but the people doing this wouldn't be OVERWHELMINGLY female.)
You either do something about the cases you encounter, or just accept it and do everything you can to not let it affect your life.
See, I think that calling it out, encouraging your sons/family/workmates/whoever to rethink their attitudes and getting annoyed enough to write to the people pushing this status quo is doing something. And if we can't do anything or they won't listen, we have EVERY RIGHT to be pissed off. I'm not going to smile about being considered a piece of meat because I don't have a Y chromosome.
just assuming the guys who make you feel uncomfortable and shitty are just really worthless and ignorant and not worth a second of your time
The thing is, though, it's NOT just the "bad apples" who do this. (They're just an extreme at one end-- just like how plenty of well-intentioned nice white people can be racist but aren't members of the KKK. Doesn't mean they're all racist arseholes but it DOES mean that they still have rethinking and relearning to do about privilege).
Plenty of good, well-intentioned guys do it, too, and sometimes, when it's coming from someone intelligent and nice who's a friend, it IS infuriating and confronting. Because you expected better, you know?
there are just as many shitty girls who are encouraging this type of behavior
Fuck yeah, and they piss me off, too. Part of me feels sorry for them because honestly, they're playing into a system which is working against them (and which isn't going to keep them well-funded/supported etc as they get older or divorced or what-have-you) but the small benefits they get (attention, money, validation, etc) make it worthwhile for them. Still, it's fucking annoying and I seriously take issue with women who pull that crap.