life, part II
Apr. 17th, 2008 11:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
janegodzillaOh MAN, the past few days have been insane. It's work's fault, mostly -- I billed 7.3 hours yesterday, and at one point I had three people standing at my desk, asking questions about god only knows how many things, and I kind of freaked out a little and snapped at them to take turns, JUST LIKE IN KINDERGARTEN, GUYS -- but I've also been spending quite a bit of time at Nate's. Which I love, don't get me wrong, but I'm a little glad that tonight was his game night. I think I needed some "hang out in my panties and a huge t-shirt, watching tv and cuddling the cat" time for myself.
Also, I sort of love that he even has a regular game night. It's unbearably cute and geeky. Because...the game in question? DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS. My boyfriend is a D&D nerd! LOVE! He was a little hesitant about admitting how gung-ho he was about it -- even now, it seems to bewilder him that yes, it's cool he plays D&D, and yes, I still want to have sex with him even though I know that -- but it's one of the many, many things I adore about the boy. He's a tattooed, roughneck cook who curses like a sailor, drinks like a fish, and can insult someone in three or four different languages...and he loves graphic novels, H.P. Lovecraft books, "Robot Chicken", and all manner of role-playing games. Gah! He's made of so much awesome I can't quite stand it.
In some ways, I'm glad we had that hiccup a few weeks into our relationship, because it gave us both a better handle on how we need to communicate stuff to each other. We're both weird and nerdy only children, I'm a totally neurotic spaz who thinks everything that goes wrong EVER is entirely my fault, and he's...well, he's a boy. Actually, more to the point, he's a cook, and if you've read Anthony Bourdain's "Kitchen Confidential," you'll understand what I mean when I say that being a cook is a personality type as well as a job. He expresses his feelings about as well as I do -- which is to say, horribly -- so I think it's good we had an upset that was just bad enough for us to make an effort to be open about what's in our heads.
Also, it's nice to know he's not perfect. I'm certainly not, so now we don't have to risk disappointing each other by being -- oh noes! -- human. It's wonderful.
He's...I don't know. I love him, I really do, and I feel so stupidly comfortable with him that I'm terrified I'll randomly blurt it out at some point. Like, he gets super-cuddly and adorable when we haven't seen each other for a few days, which makes me go all girly and doofy and smiley. And sometimes when that happens, his eyes will suddenly go soft and he'll say, very quietly, "There's that smile. I love that smile."
That = melt.
However, I can't help but worry that one of these days I'm going to forget myself and reply with something along the lines of, "Yeah, well I love you, so," and then this will happen:
Nate: Wait. What?
Me: Um. Nothing?
Nate: That was not nothing! You just said you loved me!
Me: Nooooooo. I said "I love you...tube." YES. THAT'S IT. "I love YouTube." Boy howdy, I sure do love me some internets!
Nate: ...that is so not what you said.
Me: *panics!*
Universe: *ENDS!*
Actually, I have no idea what would happen, but I cope with the unknown by constructing every imaginable worst-case scenario in my head and then obsessing over it until the scary unknown thing either passes or occurs, whichever comes first. In actuality, things are going remarkably well -- he certainly seems to like me an awful lot (if he doesn't, he's an excellent faker), and when we went over to play Runebound the other night with a few friends of his, one of them grinned when he shook my hand and said how great it was to finally meet me. And Nate? Nate just looked all happy.
I like that he calls me "Kathleen" instead of "Katie." I like that he calls me "cutie pie" when he's feeling silly. I like that he calls me "sweetheart" when we're half-asleep and spooning, his lips touching the back of my neck, his hand on the flat of my stomach. And I know how lame and girly I sound right now, all googly over this boy I met two months ago, but...I don't know. I adore him to bits, and I feel physically and emotionally safer and more comfortable than I've felt with anyone else in a very long time. I rather like it.
In other, non-Nate news, I applied online to Clark today, which means I can register for Human Growth and Development on May 8. WOO! I also think I'm going to start looking into CNA (certified nursing assistant) programs, because although I'd take a pay cut of a few bucks an hour by working as a CNA, my schedule would be a lot more flexible, which means I could put in more school hours per quarter. Also, I'd be getting experience in my field and it may give me a leg-up when the time comes for me to apply to a nursing program. There's an accelerated BSN at Linfield College as well that looks good -- one of the nurses my Mom works with graduated from Linfield, and loved it -- so I've definitely got some options.
P.S. I know I'm behind on emails and comments and the like. :( I STILL LOVE YOU GUYS, I PROMISE! Things have been a wee bit crazy of late.
Also, I sort of love that he even has a regular game night. It's unbearably cute and geeky. Because...the game in question? DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS. My boyfriend is a D&D nerd! LOVE! He was a little hesitant about admitting how gung-ho he was about it -- even now, it seems to bewilder him that yes, it's cool he plays D&D, and yes, I still want to have sex with him even though I know that -- but it's one of the many, many things I adore about the boy. He's a tattooed, roughneck cook who curses like a sailor, drinks like a fish, and can insult someone in three or four different languages...and he loves graphic novels, H.P. Lovecraft books, "Robot Chicken", and all manner of role-playing games. Gah! He's made of so much awesome I can't quite stand it.
In some ways, I'm glad we had that hiccup a few weeks into our relationship, because it gave us both a better handle on how we need to communicate stuff to each other. We're both weird and nerdy only children, I'm a totally neurotic spaz who thinks everything that goes wrong EVER is entirely my fault, and he's...well, he's a boy. Actually, more to the point, he's a cook, and if you've read Anthony Bourdain's "Kitchen Confidential," you'll understand what I mean when I say that being a cook is a personality type as well as a job. He expresses his feelings about as well as I do -- which is to say, horribly -- so I think it's good we had an upset that was just bad enough for us to make an effort to be open about what's in our heads.
Also, it's nice to know he's not perfect. I'm certainly not, so now we don't have to risk disappointing each other by being -- oh noes! -- human. It's wonderful.
He's...I don't know. I love him, I really do, and I feel so stupidly comfortable with him that I'm terrified I'll randomly blurt it out at some point. Like, he gets super-cuddly and adorable when we haven't seen each other for a few days, which makes me go all girly and doofy and smiley. And sometimes when that happens, his eyes will suddenly go soft and he'll say, very quietly, "There's that smile. I love that smile."
That = melt.
However, I can't help but worry that one of these days I'm going to forget myself and reply with something along the lines of, "Yeah, well I love you, so," and then this will happen:
Nate: Wait. What?
Me: Um. Nothing?
Nate: That was not nothing! You just said you loved me!
Me: Nooooooo. I said "I love you...tube." YES. THAT'S IT. "I love YouTube." Boy howdy, I sure do love me some internets!
Nate: ...that is so not what you said.
Me: *panics!*
Universe: *ENDS!*
Actually, I have no idea what would happen, but I cope with the unknown by constructing every imaginable worst-case scenario in my head and then obsessing over it until the scary unknown thing either passes or occurs, whichever comes first. In actuality, things are going remarkably well -- he certainly seems to like me an awful lot (if he doesn't, he's an excellent faker), and when we went over to play Runebound the other night with a few friends of his, one of them grinned when he shook my hand and said how great it was to finally meet me. And Nate? Nate just looked all happy.
I like that he calls me "Kathleen" instead of "Katie." I like that he calls me "cutie pie" when he's feeling silly. I like that he calls me "sweetheart" when we're half-asleep and spooning, his lips touching the back of my neck, his hand on the flat of my stomach. And I know how lame and girly I sound right now, all googly over this boy I met two months ago, but...I don't know. I adore him to bits, and I feel physically and emotionally safer and more comfortable than I've felt with anyone else in a very long time. I rather like it.
In other, non-Nate news, I applied online to Clark today, which means I can register for Human Growth and Development on May 8. WOO! I also think I'm going to start looking into CNA (certified nursing assistant) programs, because although I'd take a pay cut of a few bucks an hour by working as a CNA, my schedule would be a lot more flexible, which means I could put in more school hours per quarter. Also, I'd be getting experience in my field and it may give me a leg-up when the time comes for me to apply to a nursing program. There's an accelerated BSN at Linfield College as well that looks good -- one of the nurses my Mom works with graduated from Linfield, and loved it -- so I've definitely got some options.
P.S. I know I'm behind on emails and comments and the like. :( I STILL LOVE YOU GUYS, I PROMISE! Things have been a wee bit crazy of late.